


Try So Hard To Run Away

by Sangerin



Category: Firefly
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 14:00:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8330494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sangerin/pseuds/Sangerin
Summary: River starts to tell Kaylee what’s inside her head.





	

River’s got a look. Dangerous kind of look, and Kaylee knows it. She’s run away from it more than once, when she’s realized that River’s on the prowl: run away rather than deal with the way her insides curl up when River looks like that, when River runs her fingers along Kaylee’s arm.

Simon’s funny about his sister – he’d kill anyone who touched her, even Kaylee. Maybe especially Kaylee, for some man-reason she’ll never get. So Kaylee runs from River’s looks and touches, all the way ‘till Serenity gets to Parnassus.

They didn’t usually get to stop at the pretty planets. Most of the pretty ones were Alliance, and at Alliance planets they skulked around the moons, hiding out of sight, if they went there at all.

But Parnassus was rare, a pretty planet where they could safely wander; go off to the villages and buy supplies, enjoy the solid ground beneath their feet and the star-warmth in the day time. And Mal sends River off with Kaylee, River with her dangerous looks and her secret smile when Mal says ‘Kaylee, take River with you.’ Simon protests but only for a moment when he looks at Mal’s face. Kaylee hesitates, but sees the same look Simon sees (or maybe a different one) and holds out a hand. ‘Come on River, we’re going shopping.’

Only they don’t. Because halfway there, or what Kaylee thinks is halfway, River starts running her fingers up the inside of Kaylee’s arm. 

‘Why are you doing that?’ Kaylee asks.

‘Because you like it,’ says River. ‘I know other things you like, too,’ she adds, making Kaylee blush and turn away. ‘You’re all curled up inside, twisting and pulsing and wanting to get out.’ River pulls them off the path, through the trees to a patch of grass she couldn’t possibly have known was there. But once they are there, River starts to tell Kaylee what’s inside her head, and what River knows about Kaylee is so accurate that maybe she can know about hidden glens on isolated planets.

River lays Kaylee down on the grass, and lies down next to her, whispering fantasies. River’s fingers are still drifting up and down Kaylee’s arm until Kaylee puts her hand over River’s and whispers ‘stop’.

And suddenly, startlingly, River is a shy little girl again, and she’s biting her lip in an uncertain way that makes Kaylee regret every lascivious thought that River has put into her head in the past few minutes. River says softly, sweetly, ‘But I thought you liked it?’ 

Kaylee closes her eyes. ‘Too much, little one. You’re a child.’

‘A child without a childhood,’ retorts River. ‘There are no children in the black.’

‘I wish…’ says Kaylee, then bites her lip.

‘What do you wish?’ says River, moving closer, until Kaylee can feel the heat of River’s body against hers.

Kaylee shakes her head.

‘Do you wish my hands were on your skin, beneath your clothes?’ asks River. ‘Do you wish you knew how to imagine the touch of my lips? Do you wish I didn’t make you feel guilty when I smile? Tell me, Kaylee. I won’t tell anyone,’ and she lifts her hand to Kaylee’s head and brushes lightly over her hair.

_... and in a rush Kaylee feels River inside, in her head, in her thoughts, twisting through her, picking out the sins and the secrets and pleasures and pains, and though River’s always known her, always known too much about her, this is different, this is one, this is a singularity that is too hot to touch with flames and ice and confusion and in the end Kaylee shudders and tears slip down her cheeks..._

 

and then River is gone. Not disappeared: Kaylee’s lying on the grass with her head in River’s lap, but River isn’t inside her head anymore. River strokes Kaylee’s hair and says ‘Hush’ like a mother.

‘All right now,’ she croons. ‘All right now.’ And she lifts Kaylee until she’s sitting instead of lying, and leans over and kisses her.

All Kaylee can think is that River tripped some switch when she was messing about in her head, because she can’t pull away from her this time, and when she tries, one last time, River whispers against her ear, ‘I’m older than you will ever be,’ and although it shouldn’t convince Kaylee, it does. And now all she’s hoping is that this grassy patch in the middle of the woods is sufficiently hidden from prying eyes, and above all that there is no way that either Simon or Mal will come by and see them, because River’s eyes are shining as she pulls off her clothes, and then Kaylee’s, and now they’re two naked girls in the open air, and River is slim and beautiful and reaching out for Kaylee’s hands.

‘Don’t hide yourself,’ says River. ‘You’re beautiful, Kaywinnit,’ and even that long, awkward name sounds like silver on River’s tongue. She holds Kaylee’s hands in hers, and kisses her again, and it’s somehow different, this time, when they touch skin-to-skin. And for all Kaylee’s doubts, there’s something about it that seems right when they kiss; when River drifts her hands down over Kaylee’s abdomen and between her legs; when Kaylee cups a hand around one of River’s breasts.

River giggles, and lights up with joy, and Kaylee feels peaceful and languid, and if it were only possible, she would say that time had stopped. They stay in that hidden grassy spot, Kaylee thinks, far longer than the light should have lasted that day. Yet they still have time to go to the village and collect supplies when they finally emerge back on to the path.

And that night, back on _Serenity_ , when River climbs down the ladder into Kaylee’s bunk, barefoot and smiling a secret smile, Kaylee doesn’t tell her to go away or treat her like a little girl.

Kaylee isn’t running any longer.


End file.
